Till Death Do Us Part

            Every little girl fantasizes about the day she will get married. This includes the kind of dress she will wear, the beautiful flowers, and of course it has to be the prettiest place on earth. Marriage is supposed to be the happiest day of a person’s life and one day that will be remembered forever. However, in today’s world marriage is somewhat of a joke. “Every ten to thirteen seconds someone gets divorced” (“Surprising Facts…). Some people get married for the wrong reasons, like for the other person’s money, publicity, a free ticket to live in a certain country, and many other reasons. It has evolved from being a sacred tie between two people in love to somewhat of a sham. I go to weddings today or hear about celebrities getting married and all the bets on how long they will last before a divorce goes along with them. It is absurd that such a large percentage of marriages end in a divorce. Of course, there are those who get married for the right reasons, but there is a large amount that get married for the wrong reasons, end up in a divorce, causing emotional stress, not only for them, but for others.

            “The Americans for Divorce Reform estimates that probably, 40 or possibly even 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce if current trends continue” (“Divorce Statistics…”). The fact that statistics show that “45% to 50% marriages end in divorce” is unheard of (“Divorce Statistics…”). This statistic is absolutely absurd. There is no legitimate reason as to why half the people getting married will end up in a divorce. Of course, there are certain situations such as domestic violence, child abuse, or substance abuse that could have intensified after marriage where the person’s only choice is divorce. However, there are clearly more reasons for divorce due to this high statistic. Around 37% of divorces happened between the ages 20 to 24 years old. Also, in a person’s second marriage “60% to 67% marriages end in divorce” and in an individual’s third marriage “70% to 73% marriages end in divorce” (“Divorce Statistics…”).

            These statistics are very scary and make marriage seem like a joke. People are rushing into marriage before they really get to know a person and it results in divorce. Those who rush into marriage without a long term relationship beforehand and without really getting to know that other person, figure out that they are not right for each other when it’s too late. People need to know that marriage is a lifelong commitment that needs to be taken seriously.

So many people today hear about people getting married just to be able to live in a certain country, or for the others’ money, or publicity. Almost everyone has heard about the Kim Kardashion marriage that lasted 72 days. Millions of people watched the marriage ceremony on TV, then, before you know it, the couple is getting a divorce. Later on, the media claimed that is was just for the money and publicity. It was said that they got paid over a million dollars by having their wedding taped and publicized. Then a few weeks after their divorce, Kim made a statement claiming that the wedding was not for the money and she really did love him, but things changed after they were married. If they had a longer engagement and did not rush into getting married, they would have seen this side of each other beforehand and would have never got married in the first place. Watching the wedding on TV, one could clearly see all the tension and animosity between the couple. However, they still stood up there and recited their vows, just to get divorced three months later. No one really knows if the marriage was a sham for the money or if they really just rushed into it, but either way, it should be an example to others to take marriage more seriously.

There are also a significant amount of people who get married for citizenship. In the movie The Proposal, a high end book editor was going to get deported from America back to Canada due to an expired visa. She forces her assistant to marry her by threating his job. Therefore she can gain citizenship and then planned to get a divorce after a certain amount of time. They go to an immigration office and are warned that they need to know a certain amount of information about each other along with a few other things. However, all these things could easily be studied and fabricated to seem like they were an actual couple.

Divorce does not only affect the couple, it also affects the people around them, especially the couple’s children. Statistics show that “ Half of all American children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage” (“18 Shocking…”). Children whose parents divorce tend to leave an emotion effect on the children. “Studies in the early 1980’s showed that children in repeat divorces earned lower grades and their peers rated them as less pleasant to be around” (“18 Shocking…”). Also, “teenagers in single-parent families and in blended families are three times more likely to need psychological help within a given year” (“18 Shocking..”). “Compared to children from homes disrupted by death, children from divorced homes have more psychological problems” (“18 Shocking…”). There are also physical effects on children whose parents get divorces. “Children of divorce are at a greater risk to experience injury, asthma, headaches and speech defects than children whose parents have remained married” and “ are fifty percent more likely to develop health problems than two parent families” (“18 Shocking…”). Also, people who come from broken homes are almost twice as likely to attempt suicide than those who do not come from broken homes” and “Children of divorced parents are roughly two times more likely to drop out of high school than their peers who benefit from living with parents who did not divorce” (“18 Shocking…” ).  

Unfortunately there are very little ways that we can fix this problem. We cannot take away people’s right to get married. However, we should make the regulations to get married stricter. There should be a time requirement for a couple to be together before getting married. A couple should have to show documentation to prove they have been together for up to two years before getting married. This will make sure that these people will have time to get to know each other fully and there will be less surprises after the marriage. This will significantly decrease the amount of divorce and would weed out most of the fake marriage just for legalization, publicity, and money. Some might see this as unnecessary because it is a person’s right to be able to get married whenever they please. There are those 50% who get married for the right reasons and that do not result in divorce but the other 50% are simply dismissed with a divorce. This shows makes the vows and commitment of marriage a joke and not taken seriously. If we had a system to make sure a couple is more ready for the commitment of marriage it would strengthen the unity and make it more of a legitimate ceremony.

Marriage is intended to be a lifelong sacred commitment shared between two people. However, it has become more of a scam and not taken seriously. When people stand in front of a priest and recite their vows, they need to really understand what they are committing to and be prepared to live up to it. Marriage has been distorted into something completely different then it was intended to be. It does not only affect the couple, but their children and family members. The fact that up to 50% of marriages end in a divorce is embarrassing and should be taken more seriously.

 Works Cited

"Divorce Statistics in America ." Divorce Statistics. N.p., n.d. Web. 23 Apr. 2012. http://www.divorcestatistics.org/>.

"Surprising Facts about Marriage, Affairs & Divorce." Ivillage. N.p., 1 Feb. 2001. Web. 26 Apr. 2012. <http://www.ivillage.com/14-surprising-facts-about-marriage-affairs-divorce/4-a-283381>.

"18 Shocking Statistics about Children and Divorce."   Marriage-Success-Secrets. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Apr. 2012. <http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com/statistics-about-children-and-divorce.html>.

·        There are many issues in our world today. One issue that I see a lot of is homelessness. There are a significant amount of people who live on the streets.

·        A problem I frequently encounter on campus is that the fee’s are going up or too high. Tuition cost a lot and it keeps going up other then dropping.

·        A problem I hear my classmates discussing quite a bit is that they have a lot of work and are stressed out. A lot of people get overwhelmed with school work and other activites.

·        A problem people have been trying to solve for years is poverty. I know there are always discussions about welfare and similar issues.

·        I unfortunitly do not know of any problems on the news because I never watch the news. I hardly watch TV or read the newspaper.

·        A law that I object to talking on the phone and driving. I agree with not being allowed to text and drive but not being able to talk on the phone while you drive is just a hasstle and is even more of a distraction other then just answering your phone.

·        A misguided school policy is the limit on units. I think that if we are paying as much as we are for tuition, we should have more variety of classes and be able to take more units.

·        A policy that makes life harder is that at the dorms in CSUN the gates close at 7.30. This makes it incredibly difficult to get groceries, or even go out past that time. Especially if you live in a building that is far away from the few open gates, like mine.

·        A public law that can be improved are the parking laws. I hear of so many people, especially on a college campus, getting many parking tickets. I think it can be improved by making it more clear where people can, or cannot park. 

            Ever since I moved to Northridge, I have seen a lot more homeless people then I have before. Whenever I got to the grocery store I see them sitting outside. Sometimes I feel really guilty and feel bad. Especially if they have a dog or if the weather is really bad. On the other hand, sometimes I do not feel any remorse because I think a lot of people choose that lifestyle. I do not feel sorry for the homeless people that I see drinking alcohol or doing drugs. I feel sorry for the ones who are truly trying to make their life better. I rarely give homeless people money because I feel like they will just spend it on the wrong things and I do not want to encourage that. However, if I see a person who looks like they truly want to make a better life, I will give them food or some money.

            John Derbyshire writes “Throw the Bums Out: But Do So with Compassion-Coolidge-Style Compassion” and it’s about his experience during a trip to San Francisco. He clearly was very uncomfortable with the homeless and did not want to be around them. He was going to a museum and on his way he passed through downtown. He described how uncomfortable he felt around them and thinks it’s cruel because most of the homeless are mentally disabled. He described how they would give them monthly allowances up to $300 but they reduced it to $65 and provided more food and shelter.  I think that is a better idea other than just giving them that large amount of money because they can guarantee the money is getting used for good.

            In “Brother, Don’t Spare a Dime” the author does not have very much compassion for the homeless. He has the idea that if they tried hard enough to get off the streets they could, and the ones that live on the streets are lazy. He does say there are some exceptions and really resects the people who overcame homelessness. He gives an example of an older homeless man who tried to change but just went back to living on the streets and drinking.  The author thinks that we should not waste our time or money helping some of these people who do not take full advantage of it.

            In the article “The Meanest Cities” the author explains how some cities do not encourage homeless people and have laws to make their life almost impossible. Most laws were made stating that the homeless could not sit or sleep in public areas.  The article also describes how some cities do not allow for volunteers or organizations to help the homeless. This makes it almost impossible for them to be able to stay out of jail, and then therefore, not get a job in the future. 

Spoiled Kids

            Parents in today’s society are so worried about what their kids are doing and who they are hanging out with. These things are very important because we don’t want our children just being able to run wild on the streets. However, there needs to be a balance. There are so many different parenting styles and most are more than adequate. Kids should have a very respectable, loving relationship with their parents and should feel comfortable to come to their parents with a problem or issue they are having. In today’s society, parents spoil their kids and do not let them make any of their own decisions. Unfortunately today, parents do not allow their kids to have any of their own thoughts. For example, rather than giving children pros and cons when they have to make a decision, parents tell them exactly what to do. This does not teach children how to make responsible, rational decisions or how to learn from their mistakes.   These parents tend to not have the best relationship with their kids in the long run. Although parents want to protect their kids, letting children make their own decisions is good; it helps children be more independent and not rely on their parents as much because they will learn from their mistakes and learn to take responsibility.

            We all know those parents who are overbearing and will not let their child go out, hang out with friends, and always have to know where they are 24/7. Then on the other hand we have parent and child relationships where parents do not care what their children are doing and let them completely make my own decisions. This is a lot like Jeannette Walls family. However, there needs to be a balance of both. Personally, I think being more lenient then strict is good for the child. However, Jeannette’s parents take it to an unhealthy level. A child should definitely know boundaries, limitations, and respect, but most importantly children need to be social, have their own experiences, and learn to make their own decisions. Children need to learn that they will not always be there to tell them what to do and how to do it. These kids, who grow up with overly strict parents that make every single decision for them, will not be able to live in the real world. Parents need to learn to let their kid make mistakes so they can learn from them and be responsible.

            In the article “Helicopter Moms vs. Free-Range Kids ” the author talks about a mom who lets her 4^th grader ride the New York subway home from school. The mother said that “my son got home, ecstatic with independence” (“Helicopter Moms..”). Then she got all these responses saying that she was not a good mother for letting her 4^th grader ride the subway. The mom claims that “keeping kids under lock and key and helmet and cell phone and nanny and surveillance” (“Helicopter Moms..”) is not the correct way to raise kids. She ended up having to go on TV with her son to explain and defend herself. So are parents just too strict today or is there a serious concern about children’s safety?  The world is not such a horrible place as many assume it is. “There's a one-in-a-million chance a child will be taken by a stranger, according to the Justice Department” and “New York City, for instance, is safer than it's ever been; it's ranked 136th in crime among all American cities” (“Helicopter Moms..”). Actually,  “90 percent of sexual abuse cases are committed by someone the child knows” and “mortality rates from all causes, including disease and accidents, for American children are lower now than they were 25 years ago” (“Helicopter Moms..”). Even with these positive statistics, parents are getting stricter. In the 70’s almost 90% of kids that lived within a mile of school walked or rode their bikes there. Now, “Centers for Disease Control report that only 13 percent of children bike, walk or otherwise get themselves to school” (“Helicopter Moms..”). Walking or riding bikes to school is actually better for kids to get more physical activity. This article also talks about how now, kids have cell phones and it’s easier to check up on them and make sure they are safe. They can also use it in case of an emergency which is also a plus.

            Jeannette Walls’s parents had a very relaxed method on parenting. This is a complete extreme and no child should ever have to go through what she had to. Her parents never cared where she was or who she was with. When she was three years old she had to cook her own hotdogs because no one else would do it for her. She ended up catching herself on fire and having to go to the hospital. This did not change anything; she kept on taking care of herself. This taught her and her siblings to be responsible and how to take care of themselves. Jeannette did not have the normal father-daughter or mother-daughter relationships with her parents. If anything, Jeannette took care of her parents more than they took care of her. Jeannette would always have to go find her father when he got drunk and left home. While on their way to Las Vegas, Jeannette’s parents stopped at a bar while the kids waited in the car. He “announced that he was going inside for a quick nip” (Walls 29). It was a hot sunny day in the dessert and that “quick nip” turned into hours. The most tragic event, to me, was when Jeannette was stranded on the side of the road for a while before her family realized she was gone. “Just when we took a sharp turn over some railroad tracks, the door flew open, and I tumbled out of the car” (Walls 30). After she “rolled sever yards along the embankment” (Walls 30) she watched the car keep driving away. The fact that her own parents did not notice that their own daughter fell out of the car is an example of parents that are excessively too care free. The remarkable thing is that Jeannette, Lori, and Brian turned into wonderful and successful adults. This proves, even though this is a dramatic example, that kids will learn to handle life better if they are allowed more freedom when their young to learn from their mistakes.

            Personally, I have very easy going parents. I have always had a very good relationship with them. They trusted me and had faith in my decisions.  They knew that if they gave me the right guidance I would do the right thing. I was involved in after school activities and was very busy. I rarely had to do chores or told to pick up my room. If I did not want to go to school, I was not forced. I was the first sophomore in my school to start driving. Many would say I was spoiled. However, I learned very fast, if I did not go to school then I would have extra work. Then my grades would slip and that would result in my car getting taken away until they were back up. They never told me to keep my grades up, but it was something that I figured out. I also figured out that when my room was messy I could never find anything. This made me keep my room clean. I did not have a curfew but realized that when I stayed out late I was tired for school the next day and my grades dropped. When I got a little older I realized that if I wanted to go out and do things I would need money, so therefore I got a job. I did not need someone over my shoulder telling me exactly how and when to do something. Living away from home now, I’m glad I learned all these things early, other than learning them late in life and make mistakes in this crucial time of my life. It is better to learn these things as a child rather than when one is an adult.

            All in all, there needs to be a good balance of strictness and leniency while parenting. Parents need to let their kids be kids and since the crime rates are significantly going down, safety should not be such a big issue. Many cultures have different ways of parenting that work great for them. However, from what I have observed, kids that have over bearing parents who do not let them make their own decisions are not able to be self-sufficient when they are adults. On the other hand, kids that let their children make their own decisions learn how to be independent and take care of themselves. The kids whose parents are usually strict and overbearing are usually the kids that do not have a good relationship with their parents and can’t handle life. 

Works Cited

“Helicopter Moms vs. Free-Range Kids.” The Daily Beast  20 Apr. 2008: n. pag. Print.

Walls, Jeannette. The Glass Castle. New York: Scribner, 2005. Print.

Today, we watched the first half of Pay it forward.  The movie is about a boy in middle school named Trevor. His mom is an alcoholic and Trevor mostly takes care of himself. On the first day of school, his teacher gave an assignment for the kids to think of a way to change the world and put it into action. Trevor thought of a really good idea. He had the theory that if you did something good for three people that really needed help, then those three people would have to do something good for three other people. Eventually, the number of people would be significant. This idea was called “paying it forward”.  I think this is a really good idea and was amazed that a young child thought of this idea. Trevor tries to help a drug addict homeless person and gave him clothes, food, shelter, and helped him get a job. However he went back to drugs.  Then later Trevor tries helping his teacher. The only flaw of his theory is that some people do not always follow through or do not care.  Personally, when people do nice things for me, it makes me want to do something nice back but not all people are like that. The homeless man, for example, got everything he needed and went back to drugs and living on the street. 

         The parents from “The Glass Castle” choose to raise their kids a lot differently than most. From the article “What Makes a Good Parent?” Epstein has a list of the most important aspects of parenting. These aspects go in order from most important to least important. They are: love and affection, stress management, relationship skills, autonomy and independence, education and learning, life skills, behavioral management, health, religion, and safety.

         Jeannette’s mother, was very self-absorbed and wrapped up into her painting. However, her two strongest aspects of parenting was autonomy and independence and stress management. She let all her kids have all the independence as they wanted and never really bothered to involve herself into their lives. She also handled stress pretty well considering her situation. If I lived like that I would be the most stressed out person but she is very lax and calm most of the time. Her two worst aspects of parenting are love and affection and health. Jeannette’s mother never told the kids that she loved them or ever showed any kind of affection. She was very cold to her children. Also, she did not teach her kids anything about health and hygiene. The kids had to wear dirty clothes, go days without eating, and live in unsanitary conditions.  

         Jeannette’s father on the other hand, was more involved with the kids but had serious drinking problems that inhibited him from being a good parent. His best qualities that he had as a parent were love and affection and education and learning. He was the more affectionate out of the parents and the kids new that their dad truly cared about them. He also taught his kids a lot of things that helped them in the future. All the walls children were very intelligent and that was because of him. His two worst aspects are relationship skills and behavioral management. He treated Rose Marie (his wife) very badly in front of his kids. He also did not behave like a parent by not being responsible and not prioritizing his life well. 

The fact that three out of the four Walls children became successful and productive members of society, I think it is important to enrich an intellectual environment. However it needs to be a balance of comfortable living and enriching intellect. I think kids need to be able to make decisions and do things on there own, other then have there parents decide everything for them. Children need to make mistakes to learn from and to grow. However, the parents should provide support and an loving environment. Its needs to be a balance of both.