Spoiled Kids

            Parents in today’s society are so worried about what their kids are doing and who they are hanging out with. These things are very important because we don’t want our children just being able to run wild on the streets. However, there needs to be a balance. There are so many different parenting styles and most are more than adequate. Kids should have a very respectable, loving relationship with their parents and should feel comfortable to come to their parents with a problem or issue they are having. In today’s society, parents spoil their kids and do not let them make any of their own decisions. Unfortunately today, parents do not allow their kids to have any of their own thoughts. For example, rather than giving children pros and cons when they have to make a decision, parents tell them exactly what to do. This does not teach children how to make responsible, rational decisions or how to learn from their mistakes.   These parents tend to not have the best relationship with their kids in the long run. Although parents want to protect their kids, letting children make their own decisions is good; it helps children be more independent and not rely on their parents as much because they will learn from their mistakes and learn to take responsibility.

            We all know those parents who are overbearing and will not let their child go out, hang out with friends, and always have to know where they are 24/7. Then on the other hand we have parent and child relationships where parents do not care what their children are doing and let them completely make my own decisions. This is a lot like Jeannette Walls family. However, there needs to be a balance of both. Personally, I think being more lenient then strict is good for the child. However, Jeannette’s parents take it to an unhealthy level. A child should definitely know boundaries, limitations, and respect, but most importantly children need to be social, have their own experiences, and learn to make their own decisions. Children need to learn that they will not always be there to tell them what to do and how to do it. These kids, who grow up with overly strict parents that make every single decision for them, will not be able to live in the real world. Parents need to learn to let their kid make mistakes so they can learn from them and be responsible.

            In the article “Helicopter Moms vs. Free-Range Kids ” the author talks about a mom who lets her 4^th grader ride the New York subway home from school. The mother said that “my son got home, ecstatic with independence” (“Helicopter Moms..”). Then she got all these responses saying that she was not a good mother for letting her 4^th grader ride the subway. The mom claims that “keeping kids under lock and key and helmet and cell phone and nanny and surveillance” (“Helicopter Moms..”) is not the correct way to raise kids. She ended up having to go on TV with her son to explain and defend herself. So are parents just too strict today or is there a serious concern about children’s safety?  The world is not such a horrible place as many assume it is. “There's a one-in-a-million chance a child will be taken by a stranger, according to the Justice Department” and “New York City, for instance, is safer than it's ever been; it's ranked 136th in crime among all American cities” (“Helicopter Moms..”). Actually,  “90 percent of sexual abuse cases are committed by someone the child knows” and “mortality rates from all causes, including disease and accidents, for American children are lower now than they were 25 years ago” (“Helicopter Moms..”). Even with these positive statistics, parents are getting stricter. In the 70’s almost 90% of kids that lived within a mile of school walked or rode their bikes there. Now, “Centers for Disease Control report that only 13 percent of children bike, walk or otherwise get themselves to school” (“Helicopter Moms..”). Walking or riding bikes to school is actually better for kids to get more physical activity. This article also talks about how now, kids have cell phones and it’s easier to check up on them and make sure they are safe. They can also use it in case of an emergency which is also a plus.

            Jeannette Walls’s parents had a very relaxed method on parenting. This is a complete extreme and no child should ever have to go through what she had to. Her parents never cared where she was or who she was with. When she was three years old she had to cook her own hotdogs because no one else would do it for her. She ended up catching herself on fire and having to go to the hospital. This did not change anything; she kept on taking care of herself. This taught her and her siblings to be responsible and how to take care of themselves. Jeannette did not have the normal father-daughter or mother-daughter relationships with her parents. If anything, Jeannette took care of her parents more than they took care of her. Jeannette would always have to go find her father when he got drunk and left home. While on their way to Las Vegas, Jeannette’s parents stopped at a bar while the kids waited in the car. He “announced that he was going inside for a quick nip” (Walls 29). It was a hot sunny day in the dessert and that “quick nip” turned into hours. The most tragic event, to me, was when Jeannette was stranded on the side of the road for a while before her family realized she was gone. “Just when we took a sharp turn over some railroad tracks, the door flew open, and I tumbled out of the car” (Walls 30). After she “rolled sever yards along the embankment” (Walls 30) she watched the car keep driving away. The fact that her own parents did not notice that their own daughter fell out of the car is an example of parents that are excessively too care free. The remarkable thing is that Jeannette, Lori, and Brian turned into wonderful and successful adults. This proves, even though this is a dramatic example, that kids will learn to handle life better if they are allowed more freedom when their young to learn from their mistakes.

            Personally, I have very easy going parents. I have always had a very good relationship with them. They trusted me and had faith in my decisions.  They knew that if they gave me the right guidance I would do the right thing. I was involved in after school activities and was very busy. I rarely had to do chores or told to pick up my room. If I did not want to go to school, I was not forced. I was the first sophomore in my school to start driving. Many would say I was spoiled. However, I learned very fast, if I did not go to school then I would have extra work. Then my grades would slip and that would result in my car getting taken away until they were back up. They never told me to keep my grades up, but it was something that I figured out. I also figured out that when my room was messy I could never find anything. This made me keep my room clean. I did not have a curfew but realized that when I stayed out late I was tired for school the next day and my grades dropped. When I got a little older I realized that if I wanted to go out and do things I would need money, so therefore I got a job. I did not need someone over my shoulder telling me exactly how and when to do something. Living away from home now, I’m glad I learned all these things early, other than learning them late in life and make mistakes in this crucial time of my life. It is better to learn these things as a child rather than when one is an adult.

            All in all, there needs to be a good balance of strictness and leniency while parenting. Parents need to let their kids be kids and since the crime rates are significantly going down, safety should not be such a big issue. Many cultures have different ways of parenting that work great for them. However, from what I have observed, kids that have over bearing parents who do not let them make their own decisions are not able to be self-sufficient when they are adults. On the other hand, kids that let their children make their own decisions learn how to be independent and take care of themselves. The kids whose parents are usually strict and overbearing are usually the kids that do not have a good relationship with their parents and can’t handle life. 

Works Cited

“Helicopter Moms vs. Free-Range Kids.” The Daily Beast  20 Apr. 2008: n. pag. Print.

Walls, Jeannette. The Glass Castle. New York: Scribner, 2005. Print.

Today, we watched the first half of Pay it forward.  The movie is about a boy in middle school named Trevor. His mom is an alcoholic and Trevor mostly takes care of himself. On the first day of school, his teacher gave an assignment for the kids to think of a way to change the world and put it into action. Trevor thought of a really good idea. He had the theory that if you did something good for three people that really needed help, then those three people would have to do something good for three other people. Eventually, the number of people would be significant. This idea was called “paying it forward”.  I think this is a really good idea and was amazed that a young child thought of this idea. Trevor tries to help a drug addict homeless person and gave him clothes, food, shelter, and helped him get a job. However he went back to drugs.  Then later Trevor tries helping his teacher. The only flaw of his theory is that some people do not always follow through or do not care.  Personally, when people do nice things for me, it makes me want to do something nice back but not all people are like that. The homeless man, for example, got everything he needed and went back to drugs and living on the street. 

         The parents from “The Glass Castle” choose to raise their kids a lot differently than most. From the article “What Makes a Good Parent?” Epstein has a list of the most important aspects of parenting. These aspects go in order from most important to least important. They are: love and affection, stress management, relationship skills, autonomy and independence, education and learning, life skills, behavioral management, health, religion, and safety.

         Jeannette’s mother, was very self-absorbed and wrapped up into her painting. However, her two strongest aspects of parenting was autonomy and independence and stress management. She let all her kids have all the independence as they wanted and never really bothered to involve herself into their lives. She also handled stress pretty well considering her situation. If I lived like that I would be the most stressed out person but she is very lax and calm most of the time. Her two worst aspects of parenting are love and affection and health. Jeannette’s mother never told the kids that she loved them or ever showed any kind of affection. She was very cold to her children. Also, she did not teach her kids anything about health and hygiene. The kids had to wear dirty clothes, go days without eating, and live in unsanitary conditions.  

         Jeannette’s father on the other hand, was more involved with the kids but had serious drinking problems that inhibited him from being a good parent. His best qualities that he had as a parent were love and affection and education and learning. He was the more affectionate out of the parents and the kids new that their dad truly cared about them. He also taught his kids a lot of things that helped them in the future. All the walls children were very intelligent and that was because of him. His two worst aspects are relationship skills and behavioral management. He treated Rose Marie (his wife) very badly in front of his kids. He also did not behave like a parent by not being responsible and not prioritizing his life well. 

The fact that three out of the four Walls children became successful and productive members of society, I think it is important to enrich an intellectual environment. However it needs to be a balance of comfortable living and enriching intellect. I think kids need to be able to make decisions and do things on there own, other then have there parents decide everything for them. Children need to make mistakes to learn from and to grow. However, the parents should provide support and an loving environment. Its needs to be a balance of both.